Funny Jokes About Johnson Killing Kennedy
BORIS JOHNSON is Prime Government minister of the United Kingdom and, for the time being at least, there's non a whole lot anyone tin can do about it.
From his handling of the Covid-nineteen pandemic through to the ongoing bug effectually Brexit and the so-called "Irish border", information technology's fair to say BoJo has had a fleck of a nightmare since arriving in No.ten Downing Street.
It's all a chip of a mess and unlikely to be rectified anytime soon, so rather than wallow in the misery and madness of the Johnson era, the Irish gaelic Post has come with a few jokes inspired by the homo himself.
With lockdown lumbering on and the number of Johnson-related scandals just increasing by the day, hither are 10 jokes to help ease the pain of it all.
1. Boris Down The Pub
Boris Johnson has pledged to head direct to the pub when they reopen and buy a drink for everyone there.
He likes to be generous, even if it will feel a bit weird sharing the aforementioned pint.
2. Lockdown Promises
Why does no i believe Boris Johnson's promises most ending lockdown?
Considering it always ends in tiers.
3. Dinner With Boris
Boris Johnson takes the chiffonier out for dinner.
The waiter comes along and asks her what he will be eating tonight.
"I'll take the steak," Boris says.
The waiter then asks, 'What about the vegetables?'
Boris replies, "Oh, they'll have the same as me."
4. European union Hate
Why does Boris Johnson detest the European Union?
Because information technology included u and I just not him.
Getty
5. Boris at the Depository financial institution
Boris Johnson walks into a Bank
He needs to greenbacks a cheque. As he approaches the cashier he says, "Skillful morning, could you please greenbacks this cheque for me?"
The cashier says "It would be my pleasure. Could you delight show me your ID?"
Johnson replies : " : "Truthfully, I did not bring my ID with me as I didn't think in that location was any need to. I am Boris Johnson, Prime Minister. " "
The c ashier says : " Yes, I know who yous are, just with all the regulations and monitoring of the banks because of impostors and forgers and requirements of the legislation, etc., I must insist on seeing ID. "
J ohnson says : " But enquire anyone hither at the bank who I am and they volition tell you. Everybody knows who I am. "
The Cashier responds : " I am distressing, Mr Johnson, just these are the banking company rules and I must follow them. "
Johnso due north s a y s : " Come on plea due south e, I am urging you lot, please cash this cheque. "
T h e c a south h ie r r e l e n t s .
" Alright sir, here is an example of what nosotros tin can do , " h e s a y due south .
"One day, Tiger Woods came into the bank without an ID. To bear witness he was Tiger Woods he pulled out his putter and made a beautiful shot across the Thames into a cup of tea held past the bank's chairman without spilling a drop. With that shot we knew him to exist Tiger Woods and cashed his bank check.
"Another time, Gordon Ramsay came in without an ID. To bear witness who he was, he made delicious chicken parm correct hither on my table, called the co-operative manager a fucking ass, and fired everyone at the fish and chips joint next door. With that we knew who he was and cashed his cheque. So sir, what tin you do to show that it is you and only you?"
Johnson stands at that place thinking and thinking and finally says, "Honestly, my heed is a total blank. At that place is nothing that comes to my mind. I can't think of a single matter. I take absolutely no idea what to do."
The cashier replies: "That volition practise only fine skillful sir, will that be large or pocket-sized notes?"
6. Parachutes
Boris Johnson, a Scotsman, a Welshman and an Irishman are all on a plane when the engines fail.
There is only one parachute on board.
Without a moment's hesitation, the Scotsman sacrifices himself, shouting "For Scotland!" every bit he jumps out of the plane. The Welshman follows arrange, shouting "For Wales!" equally he jumps.
And so information technology'southward the turn of the Irishman. He shouts "For Ireland!"…and pushes Johnson out of the aeroplane.
7. Thatcher vs Johnson
What'south the difference between Maggie Thatcher and Boris Johnson?
I starved miners and one starved minors
Boris Johnson (Epitome: Getty)
8. Heathrow
UK politician Boris Johnson has promised to prevarication in front end of bulldozers immigration a path for the third Heathrow runway.
This should be no problem for him as he has already had enough of practice lying in front of a bus!
ix. Margaret Thatcher
Margaret Thatcher appears to Boris Johnson in a dream...
" Privatise the NHS and paint the Houses of Parliament green!" she says to Johnson
Johnson looks confused; "Why dark-green?"
Thatcher smiles, "I knew you wouldn't object to the first part"
10. Big Ben
What's the similarity between Boris Johnson and the clapper on Large Ben?
They're both massive b***-ends.
Source: https://www.irishpost.com/news/10-brilliant-boris-johnson-jokes-to-help-ease-the-pain-of-having-to-deal-with-the-uk-prime-minister-207941